Life. Right now. Just siting here. Thoughts, thinking about consumes me. Act. Upon what? Do. Which? With what? When? Thoughts. Ants distract. Thoughts distracting me. So many. Neccesities, to weak to do that move. To do that. Something needs to be done. I know what, but cant do, am not clearing, transfer energy, other move
I really dont know lately. but it seems that i do, my life is alternating once again, its always a big change, and the transformation i think will it be disrupted will the change and formation not take palce in it s full context.will i be a plant that grows , a plant where the buds and flowers not form where that point isnt the fruits wont grow. wont have that step that part in its existance, that sensitive moment, in its transformation, turmoil unheathly soildirt,i feel formation, i feel things coming out but at the smae time i gasp and struggle in this process i struggle to reach my roots out to the soil to moisture, imediate layering dry deprivedsoilclaylike crack rock and mulch of burnt down garage and glass from brkwn car windowplastic cardboard boxes laid out to make path into growing but it only decomposes to but where is this moisture? i do not know any other place,where ? i dont know? where can i find it? where do i go? i have no idea where it may be but i havae 360o degree radius all around me and i can turn which ever way,
but maybe its already but i dont know i struggle to find moisture im
see but i must end this here
i cant continue this peice ill come back and finish this i do not have the resources to continue this but thats what i
So i ve been riding my bike latetly. i fixed up one not to long ago. its this really nice huffy Kensington maybe 1940-50 earlier?. its a great bike. i was able to get one of the brakes working, and the chain which was messed up before, got that working too and it rides pretty smoothly. This Bike has taken me cross county and back. its beautiful, its right next to me right now and im lookin at it. im in awe on how wonderful this bike is. Im trying my best to take care of it, not break it. Im working on another bike right now so i can give this Kensington some time to just chill and not ride. i want to perserve and prolong its life so i can have this bike with me in the times to come. I know i shouldnt but its something i cant avoid, taking this bike down into ditches and onto railroad tracks through puddles and semi long and dark tunnels. I was exploring a side of town ive never spent any time on and discovered this really long ditch, perfect to skate, and i dropped in, on my Kensington, i took this ditch all the way to the end. curves and banks and concrete waves kinks and prymid walls i ran into, i never knew this could exist, in this city. at the end a stilled puddle with whitness foam and sounds of trains atop the tunnel taken through to get to the end of the ditch where it drained out to. the sun did not hit the ground the breeze it hit at an angle and there you can hear the breeze. and i felt chilled, my sweat drying onto my skin . fukin peace full. quieteness everything still except for the sounds of the trees and weeds that lined the atop the ditch walls against each other. the ground was cold sitting down to take in all this. the breeze the trees sounds, the coolness, the breath caught the coolness the quite stillness. this exists?
What else is there to find out there? in this massiveness. SO mMUCH.
My fukin bike works,i fukin love it. cross county is nothing to me something i love to do. i want to brake out of these confounds of this city, it just cant end here like this. what is out there in this massiveness, everything and anything, things we can never start to believe or imagine, things weve think have gone extinct, still thrive. what was there and what is to come and what is being lost as we read this. ENDLESSNESS this world is and why am i still here i know theres beauty everywhere, i know there is beauty here, what can i do, i know that this isnt the enviroment i thrivein, i feel deprived in. this is endless i know theres a place for me somewhere. I know this isnt it, this cant be the end. As i ride my bike closer and closer to the brink of escapism knowing just on the other side a little bit further i can find something ive never seen before, something ive never heard before, something something something other then this.
As i come back to the place where i emerge out from i hold onto all the beauty thats so close to me, thats right down the street or right by that place after that show. Knowing that thier for me, just there, waiting for me to just go. And i will, going further and further closer and closer breaking more and more of that brink to escapism, cause i just want to be free. i want to see i want to breath and be able to catch my breath. i fukin love my Kensington bike it works!! i fukin fixed it. i fixed it not to long ago, and it fukin works. I strive to take care of it i dont want it to just brake, i make sure i carry it donw long flights of stairs. and that the tires are always filled to 60 psi. it fukin works. i ride it all over town. its such beautiful this bike. Im working on another right now. im hoping to get that running. and tommorrow night a bike ride on a falls night, and the breeze will hit me and the cities lights will put a hazy glow to the sights we see. lighting up the streets. and a show, a birthday party show for two beautiful people, one i think is such a nice person. shes a beautiful person. Such a beautiful night. i cant wait.
its not even here yet i cant wait!! I hope i make it through this night.
Ifukin love my bike. my Kensington bike, that works!